I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You can't special order awesome
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
