At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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