I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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