Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
