I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
