were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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