i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
