I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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