I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
