You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
