I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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