I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
