so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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