Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
