Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
