I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
