Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
