Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
