I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
