Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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