So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
