I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Small penises have feelings too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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