What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
