Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
