1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
