i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
