just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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