do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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