Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
