Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
