i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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