im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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