Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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