I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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