I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
