wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
