Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
