HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
