I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
