So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
