The maid of honor just puked.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize