I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
