I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize