Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
