Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
