i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
