I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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