drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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