The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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