Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He felt like a one man threesome
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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