Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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