Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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