First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
