Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
