I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
