Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
