"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
