I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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