Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
