The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just had sex bonerless
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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