Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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