He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
