So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
