i think i have herpe
just one?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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