got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
