so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
