Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
