She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
