My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
