if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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