He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
