well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
