You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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