Whod you bang
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
be right there i have to get my cape
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
