i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
