I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
