..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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