My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
