my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His hands were made for my vagina.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
