You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
