Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
