? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
