Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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