I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
