Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
