She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
