we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
zippers are such a cool invention
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
