Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
