Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
