**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
