ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they're like a gay fantastic four
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
