Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
do herpes really smell.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize